Lukewarm Spiritual Seeker

The winds are howling outside the window. It has been a hell of a week for me personally, and for my family.

The old stories and patterns of each of us coming to the surface, so we can each evolve, no matter how painful.

I entered silence many times this week. This doesn't mean being quiet & not talking. Rather, I sat with the intention of going inwards to SEE the parts of myself that I tried to run from.

To listen to the wild churning of my soul.

I wanted to wish it all away & hide. Instead, I sat down, time and time again, seeking clarity and answers.

Seeking a conscious connection with my soul, heart, and pain.

My Shadow was screaming for attention.

Our Shadow is our dark side (underbelly)– the place within us that causes us to feel scared, ashamed, ugly, unloved, alone, abandoned, not good enough, and unworthy.

The part that says to the other humans: “you shouldn’t have done this because I am right.”

We prefer to stay stuck here.

It’s safer to blame someone else.

We have been trained to seek pleasure and run away from anything that might trigger pain.

🔥 We can no longer be lukewarm spiritual seekers. I am not here only for self-empowerment. I am here for the realization of my God-self.

This means that I must go deeper into my old stories, and question the "fake news" that has been created in my memory.

I want to stop assuming how everyone around me will react and trust that whatever is arising, is meant to teach me.

I want to create a new ending to the same old movie. And this requires that I, as the director, rewrite the script.

And this can be filled with ALL the emotions.

Astrologically, each of us is at a crossroads. The time to make BOLD moves. To surprise ourselves.

To go deeper in the armor, so the crack for the Light is bigger.

When we are in a place of denial, victimhood, blame, and “me vs. you”- our shadow gets louder. Our inner pain screams from the mountain top.

Our soul creates catalysts (big and small) to get our immediate attention.

Over and over again our Soul creates waves in the ocean of our mind/body/heart, eventually turning to tsunamis.

This is like a parent feeding us vegetables when we want ice cream. We will always get what we need, even if it's not what we want.

I had to trust my Cosmic parents, even if I wanted to shout and scream.

And this past week, I went IN, as I could no longer fight the process

I found inside, the next stages of the healing/clearing were waiting for me. The next cords to be cut. The next "I am not my past" energy rising for its big wave goodbye.

It wasn't pretty or nice. It was an epic churning, filled with intense emotion

Guess what else is done?

The need to be in the eye of the storm & think I know what’s best for all. That ego trap is cut too.

I don't always have to be the strong one.

I surrender to the Light for each of us. I have Faith.

I accept the FACT that even if it feels "wrong", it is right.

I trust in the Path.

I have healed some of my deepest wounds because I sit in silence.

I took time to breathe into my body and allow for safety as I dove down.

I reminded myself that I am willing to shift, learn, and give up my old stories.

And my most favorite question, that always brings peace, I asked over and over again of myself: "what am I personally doing to contribute to this pattern we are in?"

I love you, and I love me.