Finding my spaces to grow + be messy in
I've been quiet here on this email list for many moons now. In addition to my own personal journey, there was a lot of energy devoted to others in my life.
As I found myself less able to email, I intentionally slowed down, as a way to go deeper into myself and the Goddess.
I wanted to honestly assess myself if I was "walking my talk" as a teacher/coach/healer.
I sometimes found myself in conflict.
In the name of spirituality, I unintentionally had disassociated from some inner children that needed my acknowledgment. While I do inner work regularly - this reality check was different.
My higher self was calling for an opportunity to soften the ego's grip - "to choose the quietness of the deep heart over the noisy argument in the divided mind."
I also took a class with my beloved teacher/guru in India on the wisdom of the womb and heart - and it was clear we were disconnected.
In the class, I found myself innerstandsanding the ways I was trapped in my stories of what a coach/teacher/spiritual seeker looks like.
It takes courage to continually look at ourselves exactly as we are, without self-deception.
In the quiet of distraction off no longer teaching, emailing, and leading groups, I found there were some parts of me broken, traumatized actually, shut down, disconnected, angry.
With a few one-to-one clients, I found spiritual mirrors as we both navigated similar issues at different points in our journey.
Trapped in our wounded stories, our ancestral stories & stories we create to erect a false sense of safety.
Even though I had worked on some of this before, I began to feel I was not in the right relationship with my womb, in the right timing with Mother Earth, and in the right action my heart/womb space.
But here's the thing...
WHEN YOU FOLLOW THE DIRECTIVE OF YOUR SOUL:
...It's not "straightforward", it's an unfolding journey.
...Action is necessary, but it must be in service of truth.
...Invisible patterns show themselves when you least expect it.
So, I let it all hang out because it's all here. It's all relevant. It's all real. It's all truth. It's all part of the journey. And there's nothing – truly – to be ashamed of.
I’ve been struck again and again with this simple truth:
Each of our souls is on its own journey, and that journey doesn't just get easy and stay easy. Instead, it's a journey into the heart of the truth of who we are and what we're called to be.
Every day, we must find the courage and resolve to deepen into that truth, surrender to our calling, and line up our actions with our souls.
The trick is to see it, be devoted to it, and really, truly surrender to it.
And while I can say all of that in one tidy sentence, it's no easy feat.
This is a day-to-day, moment-to-moment devotion to being fully awake and fully alive in everything we do. It's a devotion to a future that's certainly uncertain and without the promise of anything other than living close to the truth.
Without a doubt, sometimes being on your soul's journey feels like walking uphill, in the snow.
But when you realize that there's no simple strategy or straightforward path, you can actually relax and discover your own path.
And when you relax, your journey can feel less like a battle and more like a dance.
I will share more, and for now, I will do my best to be back on this platform with more depth, more richness, and authentically wilder.
Wherever you are on this journey, I deeply honor you. Thank you for being here as I danced within.
Love,
Priya